Happy 7th Birthday CJ!

jump, originally uploaded by cjconmom.

I am not sure how it all happened. As much as I try to understand it I can't.

7 years ago today I gave birth to the little boy who completed me in more ways then I ever imagined.

Through all of the past crazy week I have been remembering the days before I had him. My due date was May 23rd. I was a mess. It was my first and I had no idea what to expect. On my due date I ripped up an entire garden in our house, before the sun even came up. I went to appointment after appointment where I was convinced CJ's feet were in my mouth he was so big. On May 29th, I decided that I would being "props" to help them understand just how big CJ was going to be and Chris came with me to my last appointment. They decided to induce me as soon as they saw him.

I remember the quiet ride to the hospital when both of us were so nervous neither of us knew what to say. I remember checking in, the 1000 and one questions, the contractions....all like they were yesterday.

I remember the car ride home, driving 30 mph all the way home, as I sat in the back seat just looking at him in his car seat not yet believing he was actually MINE. I remember exactly what he was wearing...the blue stripped sleeper covered in every blanket I think everyone gave me before I had him with the matching "Bring me Home" hat from Old Navy that even as a 0-3 months, he was swimming in it.

I remember those first few nights wondering how I was going to make it through them. I remember thinking as much as everyone told me about being a mother, nothing can compare you to those first few weeks. I remember walking into his room even when he was sleeping 100 times a day just to make sure he was still in there and his chest was still going up and down with every breath. He couldn't be mine....I was convinced he was only on loan..

He was amazing. After all of my fertility issues, I now know just what a miracle CJ really is.

Today, he turns 7. He no longer needs a car seat. He reads. He writes. He tells me he loves me 10 times a day. I am not sure how it happened. 7 years ago I gave birth to a miracle and today is the most loving, caring, passionate and intelligent little boy I know.

Yesterday as I dropped him off at school after his appointment I stayed for an assembly for a few minutes and walked him back to his classroom with all of his classmates. He held my hand the entire way down the hall and I did everything in my power to hold back the tears because even at 7 he loves me so much he is not embarrassed to hold my hand and kiss me goodbye when I leave.

Anyway, it has been the best 7 years of my life and I am so proud to call CJ mine. I don't know where the time went. I always say that I wish I had slowed down to enjoyed it more. It all went by WAY too fast.

Happy 7th Birthday CJ!!

.CJ didn't get in.

Well, we didn't get the letter home yesterday like the other kids got who were picked to play an instrument in the Suzuki string program at school next year.

We didn't get the e-mail either today.

Why am I so devastated?

Because for 2 weeks he got all upset every night worrying about the teacher not getting his "application" form that I turned in the day after it came home. So, after 2 weeks I went in to see the string teacher last week to confirm she got it and she said she did and that she was 99.9% sure he got in.

Everyone thinks I joke when I say I have the worst luck. I don't care what the percentage is, it never applies to me.

I got the .1%.

CJ didn't get in.

There will be more disappointments in life. He will get cut from teams. He won't make all of the travel teams. All of these are good lessons.

I just have a feeling that this one is going to devastate him. I can't tell you how excited he has been since talking with the string teacher last week about playing. Each day this week he has come home sad because she told him the letter would come this week and he had not received it yet.

He won't be getting a letter.

I am sure I will have to tell him tomorrow and maybe his party this weekend will help him forget about it. :)

The psycho mother in me did just e-mail the teacher and let her know that if anyone drops out of the program, CJ would still love to participate. Maybe, just maybe someone will drop out, but I won't count on it.

.meanest mother in the world.

I have come to learn that when your kids say you are the "meanest mom in the world" that that means you are doing a good job.

Last night I was that and I also was making Connor sad.

Connor was being nothing but defiant.

So after he came home from school I put him right in his room. I have never completely believed in the "minute for every year" rule, and yesterday was no different. Connor walked in the door at 3:25 and went to his room. There are no toys in their rooms (remember I am a mean mom?). We took them out a few years ago because my thought on it was that sending them to a room full of toys as a punishment is not a punishment. They have books in there and when they are in their rooms that is what they are allowed to do.

I was so angry yesterday that I let Connor out of his room around 5. Which means he is 95 years old. :) Both boys were watching TV and then one of their friends came to the door. I let CJ go outside and play but told Connor he had to stay inside because of the choices he made at school.

Mean.

So I am working around the house getting ready for the carpet cleaners that are coming today and I assume he is watching TV. He isn't. I go to look for him and he is outside almost in full hockey goalie gear...just MINUTES after telling him he couldn't and MINUTES after he just spent 95 minutes in his room. See what I am saying?

So back to his room.

Chris gets home and I am done. I mean I am at my cracking point. Work is crazy, my photography business is crazy, end of school, baseball, softball, you name it...I couldn't take much more. So I tell Chris to deal with him.

He talks to him and tells him to take off the rest of the gear he still had on and put it back on the shelves in the garage. He goes outside and Chris and I are sitting there talking about the day and we see Connor RUN across the back of the backyard!!!

What the......????

So, I flip. It was right around 6:00. Connor went to his room for the night. No dinner. No nothing. Just bedtime. We ate, I went up to kiss him goodnight (I always do this...even when I am angry...you just never know) at by 6:45 or so he was sound asleep. For real.

That is why he is so hard. He doesn't give a crap. At least he got a good nights rest.

So last night after American Idol was over I was talking to Shannon for a while about all of this and what to do and she suggested having him write a letter to Mrs. Condidorio apologizing for his behavior. Shannon and I shared our stories of how we used to have to write things all of the time as kids and so I thought I would try it.

I wrote down what I wanted him to write, made it nice a long, and had it ready for him this morning.

I told him he had to write a letter saying sorry for not following the classroom rules yesterday.

Guess what? He was SO excited about it.

Puke.

See???

Nothing is a punishment for him. Shannon said you have to figure out what bothers him. I told her I thought food would. I sent him to bed without dinner last night (and I had fresh baked rolls which he loves too!), he didn't care about that either.

The letter cracks me up though. It says -

"Mrs. Condidorio -

I am sorry I did not follow classroom rules yesterday.

I will do my best to follow classroom rules today.

Connor."

The arrow tells Mrs. Condidorio that there is more writing on the other side. The person is Mrs. Condidorio with the pointer next to the calendar. The squares are the shapes that they sit on during circle time. I asked him where he was and he said that all of the kids were already working at their "centers".

I can't win.

Got to love him though. Hopefully one day these traits will pay off. In the mean time he is destined to give his mother lots of gray hairs.